Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
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Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
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The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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