Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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