The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
