I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
