Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
did you just send me my own nude
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
