Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
