funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I will be naked everywhere
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
