just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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