I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
