i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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