She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Holy shit dude........stairs
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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