Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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