i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
