hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It's never too late to be topless.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
