I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
