we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
