i already hear my dad disowning me
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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