I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
