First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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