you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
