She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
