And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
