Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
