Sry I called you an 8
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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