Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
being pregnant is like rehab
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
