she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
