whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
