my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
