I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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