i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
