he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
