You're earring is so big in my mouth
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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