Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
