He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
