i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
