I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
