dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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