I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
