If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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