You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Hippo gnu deer
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
