people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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