I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
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There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
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He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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