There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
porn star boner night. come get it.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
