WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
