We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
