The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
now i know why i became what i already was.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
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Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
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I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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