You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
