suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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