Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
