were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I had to cum in my sink.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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