I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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