I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
