Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
