I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
