mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
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the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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