I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
