she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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