i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
