I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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