i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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