Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
