Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
