you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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