I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
