If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
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opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
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It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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