I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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