Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Randomize
