I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
