You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize