I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
