Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
The best revenge is premature balding
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
