New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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