My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
