i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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