please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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