She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
