I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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