Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
