"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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