Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize