Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
