Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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